AC: Unity Pre order thread

[KnightOfTruth]

Man, the more I see that "Spin-To-Win" pre-order "bonus" they offered NA, the more I am convinced that Ubisoft literally has a team/department dedicated to making NA fans miserable - like, they sit there and have regularly scheduled meetings to discuss better ideas...

Spoiler!

"So, as I was saying... North America fails! <laughter> Seriously though... we hate it. <laughter> Okay, okay, back to the agenda -- our next bullet point iiiiisss.... <reads through syllabus>, oh yes, 'Making North America wish they weren't such a failure' - Any ideas?"

<skinny guy from across the room raises hand> "Yes Thomas?"

"Well, you see, I've read on the internet that those Americans really like CEs just like us, so how about we give them a stupid little version that reminds them how much they fail?"

<ponders> "Hmmm... I like your thought pattern there Thomas, but how about this? How about we give them something a little better than poop. IN fact, we'll make it look CLOSE to our amazingly superior CE, but then we'll stick it in a stupid box, we'll get rid of the nice art pieces, give them an underwhelming statue, and we'll make a few more changes THAT WAY they'll be somewhat excited at first thinking they got a good one and then they'll see ours and their hopes will be dashed as they realize that once again, THEY FAIL!!" <laughter erupts>

<once everyone calms down> "Oh yeah, and while I was consulting with demonic spirits last night in an effort to be even more wickedly cruel and torturous I came across an amazing idea..." <everyone listens intently> "...instead of actually giving them a REAL pre-order bonus or anything, we'll make them THINK they're getting something and then send them to a forsakenly awful website where they'll have to keep revisiting it week after week and clicking a button that makes them THINK they might possibly win something but we'll never actually give them ANYTHING or maybe we'll give 1 "lucky person" (who will really be one of us with an American address hahahaha), but we'll give them something just to make the rest think there's hope..." They'll repeat this over and over again and every time <begins to have a dark, grovelly and evil voice> they click, THEY'LL LOOOOOOOOooooooSE!!!, and while they do, we'll all laugh in our tea at how much they FAIL! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

<all the remaining employees sense the dark presence of evil in the room and bow down to their Ubisoft master> "Yes. This is what must be done."

<the speaker returning to normal> "Okay then, jolly good. Let us adjourn for the afternoon then, and we'll pick up tomorrow where we'll address other paraphernalia, artwork, and editions we can deny from those failing Americans - we'll have a special guest consultant to give us some pointers from Club Nintendo UK joining us as well - you won't want to miss it! See you all then!